Many people have been asking me recently, what should I do now that OneSeason has slowed to a hault? This question has really left me stumped for a while, but with Transformers Two set to hit theaters by the end of the month everyone’s favorite crooked finger slut has been making her rounds and showing off the goods.

How can you not just bow down to this goddess amoung mortals? Unofficially, the OSN Babe Mascott. Is there any way we can buy her SOI? While you sit around waiting for your $15 IPO’s or trying to make a quarter buying and selling shares of Pujols, just google image search Megan Fox and you will easily make it through the rest of your day. If you are starting to get distracted take off the safe search, you won’t be disappointed.

This kid even dug up to courage to try and woo her, something I cannot say I would have had enough balls to do myself. Granted, he got shut down quicker than DMAC trying to run against the Raven’s defense but still, give the kid props for putting his best foot forward.

So as Saturday night winds down and trading opens back up in nine short hours, don’t jump over the edge, let Megan help you make it through the boring down days.

As the IPO’s continue to come out, and market caps continue to fall, it got me thinking. How cool would it be to own 100% of an SOI? I mean really, take a moment to let it digest, you would own EVERY share available. Is it just me, or does that not sound freaking awesome? If I was able to completely liquidate my sportfolio and buy players for the price they are at now, I could own 100% of either TMAC, DNCN, NASH, ODEN, AMRE, DIRK, PYTN, DMAC, BSAN, BOSS, or JHAM. That being said, they aren’t the most desirable of SOI’s and I know selling everything and buying all the shares at the prices they are at now is impossible, but still, I wouldn’t mind being the sole owner of BSAN, BOSS, or JHAM.

I sit here and look at the IPO list and pray that the market continues to drop as we get to my next favorite IPO, MEGA (Calvin Johnson). If we get to this point, and the market continues downward, I can easily see him coming out below $3,000. Mark my words; if this is the case, I am going for the gold. Maybe not every share, but at least 95% and just watch the others trade hands. The downside to this obviously is you become extremely illiquid. If you ever change your mind and want to go elsewhere you would be screwed, I would be screwed. If MEGA went out and tore his knee apart I would probably lose all my money. But in my opinion, it would be well worth the risk. I mean, seriously, how cool would that be! Sole owner of Calvin Johnson! I love it!

A much easier way to accomplish this would be to team up with one or two other guys and collectively get ir done. There are many trust worthy guys on the Nation, plenty of which I would venture into a project like this with. Why not give it a try? Because you can lose all your money? Eh, maybe, but if you haven’t noticed the market is falling anyways, might as well have some fun with it while you wait for it to come back up.

Maybe it is just a pipe dream, but I am 100% serious in this. If MEGA comes out with a market cap below $4k, I am going to try my best to sell everything I own and deposit more money in what will be a legendary quest. It may not happen right away, it may not even happen quickly, and it may not even happen with MEGA. But one of these days, I am going to own AT LEAST 90% of an SOI and it going to be even cooler than the first time slubs posted on the forums.

I am sad to bring this up, but the underaged female tennis star that we have all come to love is getting her biggest assets reduced according to SPORTSbyBROOKS.com. They provided a quote from my once favorite female athlete and she clearly needs to reorganize her priorities in life. “Inconvenience me, it’s very hard with them. It’s a weight in addition to confound me speed response. I can not go on very well.”

Tennis isn’t going to get this girl anywhere in life, but those things on her chest could have carried her at least through her late 20’s. Here’s to what could have been.

and even if the market takes off today and there are no more reverse splits at all, they will at least lag behind the rest of the SOI’s as we move forward.

Let me preface this by saying this is the opinion of me and me only, what I say (despite bullpups words on the forum) does not represent the opinion of OSN. People should not look at this as trading advice and should only make trades based on their own opinions and research and not what other people tell them. That being said, I think it is crazy for anyone to own KING or KOBE, along with a number of other SOI’s on the market. For months now there have been cries and outrage about YAOM and his ridiculously high number of SOI’s in the market and his high market value, and for good reason. But why stop with YAOM? He was grossly overvalued and the people of OSN called him out on it. So why do other SOI’s get a free pass? KING and KOBE are even higher than YAOM market value wise and everyone is fine with it. Yes, it is ridiculous to compare YAOM to KOBE and KING and to even mention them in the same sentence, but should KOBE and KING really be worth this much more than guys like WADE, DHOW, and the other NBA stars? The simple answer is no.

There have been comments on the forums that if KING and KOBE reverse split than it will be the end of the site. In my honest opinion it will be one of the first signs that OneSeason is ready to take off. Until this point, the market has acted completely irrationally. If KING, KOBE, and even AIRJ were to come back in line with the rest of the market it will be the first sign of there being enough trading activity for the market to act in a realistic manner. For OneSeason to work a players performance needs to have some effect on their SOI’s market value. While popularity and image have made KING worth six times more than DHOW he is clearly not six times the player DHOW is (especially with DHOW now up 3-1). At some point this gap needs to close, and when it happens, watch out.

Ok, maybe not, but when him and Andy Sanberg team up it is pure gold, and when he hosts SNL it is a fucking riot. Here is a Mother’s Day tribute that aired last night.

Introducing 17 year old tennis superstar Simona Halep. This should be the direction womens sports is taking, screw talent, I could care less what sports skills your bring to the field/court. When you are packing like this chick, you are destined for fame.

P.S. Take note she is from Romania, why are there no chicks like this in the U.S.?

This happened in this past Sunday’s Red Sox v. Yankees game. I have been real busy so haven’t been posting much but I couldn’t let this stay off the record. The look on Pettite and Girardi’s face is priceless.

EDIT: Because MLB sucks balls they have removed the video from youtube, you can see it by following the link below

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090426&content_id=4446346&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb

The fact that Ray Allen elbows Varejao in the balls after being lightly tossed to the floor or the fact that Varejao has a vagina and shows no reaction to something that would have real men keeling over gasping for air? Best part of this video? Minute 1:32

“I’m impressed with Varejao!”

“I’m not!”

So which is worse? The pussy move of elbowing a dude in the nuts or the fact that Varejao doesn’t even flinch?

So being from Boston and knowing Boston fans as well as I do there is basically two ways to look at this. One group will take the Boston of 10 years ago approach, throw in the towel, and simply criticize the Celtics from here on out for their lack of depth or working KG too hard. They will watch the games and enjoy any failure that comes upon them with a told you so attitude.

Group number two looks at it this way. “Who gives a shit. This is Boston bitches, title town USA, How many championships have we won in the past 8 years? Thats what I thought.” Sadly, there is no in between. Most people around here are either arrogant fucks or pessimistic impossibles (no offense to the Boston guys here, I am one of you so I have the right).

Myself and a few others are going into these playoffs pumped up. This is the Celtics chance to really stick it to the rest of the league, and the country. The Celtics are still a great team with great players. They have gone 17-5 without KG this season so all hope is not lost. If the Celtics win, fucking great! If they lose, oh well, it was a great run and they will be back next year. Regardless it has been more fun watching them play these last two seasons than my entire life before. No reason to let some fluke injury ruin the ride.

Beckett just got suspended for 6 games for this pitch, do you think it is fair?

I feel like this happens all the time when someone calls a late time out and the pitcher just lets it go. There was no fight afterwards and he didn’t even get ejected from the game. So you be the judge, am I being a Boston homer or is this suspension a little ridiculous.

Saturday’s are always real boring so I will offer you yet another post completely unrelated to OneSeason. In an attempt to bring useful information to traders that they can use in their own daily lives I want to encourage you all to keep your goals in life realistic. If you want to swim with polar bears than all the power to you. But if you are too fat to make a quick escape like this lady then you may want to limit yourself to baby polar bears or perhaps seals or maybe big weird fish and not the big mama’s that will bite your fat ass off. I bet this lady was real jacked up about the idea before this disaster occurred, I mean who wouldn’t be? But now she is left with nothing but dissappointment and will surely find herself face deep in a tub of Ben and Jerry’s for at least a week. Has she limited her expectations to begin with she would be left feeling satisfied and jubilant instead of a big fat loser on the internet.

In honor of the Masters this weekend I present to you one of the only reasons womens golf should continue to exist, Natalie Gulbis. Think about it, this chick plays with long shafts and balls on a daily basis and gets paid for it, sounds like fun, right? As weird as it sounds I would let her hit my balls any day, she is that hot.

It is not right that the best young player in Major League Baseball is 10th on the request list. Ichiro and B.J. Upton are the two active baseball players that are scheduled to IPO before him and neither of them deserve to be, at least not until Japan can trade. HRAM is only 25 years old and is not going away anytime soon. He has proven that he can do it in the major leagues and he is the first pick in almost all fantasy drafts. Baseball is in right now as shown by recent volume figures and the success of DWRT and LNCM this past week.

Also, please remove all basketball players from your list. No one cares anymore. The season is almost over and there are plenty of good ballers out there. All future IPO’s should be either baseball or football, NOT basketball.

BostonHerald - Tom Brady [stats] and Gisele Bundchen’s glam Costa Rican wedding was marred by gunfire last night when security guards hired to keep paparazzi away fired at two photographers as they fled the scene with their film. No one was hurt. According to two spokesmen for the INF photo agency, photographers were hiding in the brush near Gisele’s beachfront home taking pictures of the event when they were rousted by the newlyweds’ security guards. The photographers, identified as Yuri Cortez and Rolando Aviles, were marched up to Bundchen’s villa where they were ordered to surrender their still photos and video. The men refused and fled with the security guards in pursuit. Two of the photographers ran to a waiting SUV and jumped in as a guard fired a shot at them. The bullet shattered the Suzuki’s rear window, passed between the two men in the front seat and bounced off the windshield.

I thought I posted this last week but apparently I am not good at pushing the publish button. After Brady’s knee injury last year there are now extra precautions in place. Specifically, armed gunman if you screw with Bob Kraft’s prize QB. This sounds like a story out of the Michael Vick/Plaxico Burress book, not the Brazilian supermodel banging pretty boy from New England. I’m not going to lie, I’m impressed, I wish I could get away with shit like this. Only Tom Brady could have his boy’s open fire on the paparazzi and get away with it. BUY BUY BUY