Can you name the year and hole? Possibly the greatest shot that I have seen in my short lifetime. While I know it’s hard for some people to watch golf, Sunday at the Masters is one of the more exciting days of the year as long as Tiger isn’t 12 shots up on someone. There is just something special about Augusta National and what it brings out of these guys. Plus, they don’t let chicks play on their course which is awesome. How sick would a TIGR IPO be Sunday as he slips on another green jacket?

The Major League Baseball season is merely hours away. The Braves and Phillies will meet Sunday night at 8pm EST on ESPN2 for the first of 4,860 regular season games. Is there anyone out there who is more pumped than me? Doubtful. Baseball is not merely a sport of leisure, it is a religion. Over the next seven months I will drink more beer, eat more chicken wings, do more sitting on the couch, and check my four fantasy baseball teams more than any healthy human being should, and every second of it will be glorious. My performance at work will undoubtedly suffer; final exams will fall even further down on the list of priorities; and my girl friend will become that much more disgusted with me. One may ask, is it worth it? Well if you have to ask, than you simply don’t understand. Baseball is the great American pastime and would be in the same class as the NFL had it not been for Bud Selig running it into the ground. With that, I give you my predictions for the upcoming season. Take them with a grain of salt as those who follow my posts quickly realize that I am ALWAYS wrong. I do things like this purely for my own entertainment and that of those who want to follow along.

AL East – Devil Rays (no, they are not the Rays, sorry) – They made it to the World Series last year and are now a year older and a year better. The team is loaded with young stars and now will have David Price for 2/3 of the season.

AL Central – White Sox – I like their rotation and if their bats can stay healthy, which is a big if, I think they will take it home in this mediocre division.

AL West – Angels – Oakland and Seattle seem to be the sexy picks every year, but the Angels are proven winners.

Wild Card – Red Sox – I can’t leave my home town heroes out of the playoffs, sorry. The Yankees are great; don’t get me wrong, the AL East is going to be a blast to watch. But when it is this close you can’t go against the allegiance to your boys at home. I would expect the same from everyone else.

AL Cy Young – James Shields

Runners Up – Jon Lester, Ervin Santana, Francisco Liriano

AL MVP – Evan Longoria

Runners Up – Mark Teixeira, Matt Holliday

NL East – Marlins – Young squad full of talent. Going with my gut here (sorry for jinxing all Marlin fans if there is such a thing).

NL Central – Cubs – Imagine if Rich Harden could stay healthy for an entire season? They have a great lineup, although letting Derosa go might hurt, and their pitching is pretty good, and their bullpen is awesome, and their competition is nothing to write home about.

NL West – Dodgers – Solid rotation, solid lineup, solid defense, solid bullpen, TERRIBLE division. I could see the Diamondbacks giving them a run for their money but when it comes down to it Manny Ramirez WILL carry them to the playoffs.

Wild Card – Diamondbacks – If they can get into the playoffs, with Haren and Webb at the front of their rotation watch out, they could do damage.

NL Cy Young – Ricky Nolasco

Runners Up – Johan Santana, Cole Hamels

NL MVP – Manny Ramirez

Runners Up – Hanley Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano

Playoff Results

American League

Red Sox over Angels (for like the millionth time)

Devil Rays over White Sox

Red Sox over Devil Rays (was it really a question)

National League

Diamondbacks over Cubs

Marlins over Dodgers

Diamondbacks over Marlins

World Series

Red Sox over Diamondbacks!

You know what this all means? None of the teams mentioned will make the playoffs and every player I picked for awards will be hurt by the all star break.

So there you have it, my completely biased predictions for the upcoming season, along with telling me how much of an idiot I am let’s hear some of yours. It will be fun to come back in October and see which of us got lucky.

MSU vs. UCONN 6:07 EST

UNC vs. NOVA 8:47 EST

These should be two great games. I think UCONN is a far superior team to MSU, but they have a wicked home court advantage. UNC and NOVA are pretty equally matched as ACC teams have proven to be the defenition of pussies so far in this tournament and the Big East has dominated so don’t take the regular season results and immediately jump all over UNC’s dick.

I am picking UCONN and NOVA then UCONN to win it all.

What are your picks?

If this guy doesn’t get laid tonight than I don’t know what you have to do. He should at least get his tip wet. I mean, this girl, who is smoking by the way, was about to take a ball off the dome. It is only fair to repay the favor with a little lovin.

Fast forward to the one minute mark. Sorry for the glitchy quality, some people suck at youtube.

ESPN.com -WALTHAM, Mass. — Kevin Garnett will miss at least the next four games with a sore right knee and may return for the final three games of the Boston Celtics‘ regular season.

The emotional leader and defensive star of the defending NBA champions has missed 15 of the last 19 games, including the last two.

Coach Doc Rivers said after practice Tuesday that the team would be “shutting down” Garnett for most of the remaining seven regular-season games because of continued soreness in the knee, first injured on Feb. 19 at Utah.

This is bad news for my Celtics. KG is the single most important player to this team, and while they should still have no problem dominating in the first round, Orlando and Cleveland will both beat them if they don’t have the big ticket. It’s unclear how serious the issue is, but I have been saying since he went down the first time to just lay off until they lose a game in the playoffs. Then you can ride a healthy big man long and hard to a championship.

If you sign them up for soccer, you might want to steer them clear of playing goalie.

After a fairly long absence of useless, hilarious, tabloid news I am back and ready to go. Shawn Johnson, most widely recognized as an Olympic Champion for Team USA has had a rough couple of weeks. Currently she is a participant on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, something she might soon regret. Last week there was some hella crazy guy trying to break onto the set to catch a glimpse of her. The man was arrested and later they found two guns, zip ties, rope, a map, and duct tape in his car; standard kidnapping materials. Now she has this perv she dances with every week trying to bone her on television! (If you haven’t noticed, take a look at the dude’s happy place). I usually don’t have any pity for celebrities cause for the most part they get what they deserve, but I kind of feel for this girl, all she gets are creeps trying to kidnap her and dude’s with tiny dicks.

Blake Griffin is an absolute beast, I would probably be honored to lick his finger while he slapped me in the face with his junk. Here is what it says for those who can’t read the small print. “If you are tasting another man’s finger, while his junk is in your face, his foot is in your junk, and his gravitational pull has lifted you off the ground…You sir have failed.”

Thanks frito for the tip!

If you have something that you think deserves to be on the OSN home page e-mail me, penny@oneseasonnation.com

I can’t decide whether to give this guy mad props for sticking it out and finishing the race despite clearly being handicapped or if I should just beat the crap out of him for being an idiot. Regardless, the dude shit his pants and is now all over the internet. You have to wonder, if presented with the same opportunity again, would he do it?

Thanks to DurShar again for another hilarious pic

If you have something that you think deserves to be on the OSN home page e-mail me, penny@oneseasonnation.com

“I talked to coach Jauron prior to the start of the workouts about that,” Owens told reporters. “Right now if there’s nothing mandatory that I have to be a part of, then I won’t intend to be there.”

T.O. said he would rather stick to his own routine than go to the Bill’s workouts. This bugs the shit out of me, and the guy wonders why he has such a bad reputation around the league. Sure, a lot of guys don’t go to voluntary workouts, and thats fine. I think it is stupid not to, but whatever. T.O. however, is a completely different story. When you have a terrible reputation like his going to a new team show that you give a shit and just go to the damn workouts.

Jayhawk, the man who first spotted the commercial on the NFL Network e-mailed OneSeason asking for a copy. Here is their response.

“Thanks for the note and sorry about the delayed response. Yes, as you saw, a OneSeason commercial aired last night. We continue to test different channels and accumulate customer acquisition and activity data. We will make the commercial available in a couple of days.”

Best part about that e-mail? The word continue!

Jenna Fisher - one of the many stars of the HILARIOUS show The Office which I recommend everyone watch tonight at 9pm on NBC.

What’s the deal with the legends out there? BABE was trading at an all time low a couple days ago below $6 a share. BIRD is currently trading at $7.56 and has very few buys out there. MAGC has been anything but stellar since his IPO release and has dropped from the high $8 range to the mid $7’s and has very little buying support. Even GTZY has been getting no love recently and just got raped by one very large owner. AIRJ is really the only one who has held his value and he is now actually above KOBE in terms of market cap.

It has long been thought that legends were the safest bet on OneSeason.com and that they would raise and fall with the market. Despite the current glitch in that thinking, I still believe in this theory. I think that ultimately people are getting bored of them. The way I see it, there is more potential for short term gain in SOI’s who are currently playing. While there is no true correlation to on field performance these players are still in the news and can do things to affect their SOI price in either direction. At this point I think people are getting bored of the stability the legends have brought them and are looking for something sexier that they can sell in a week or two and make a few bucks.

So basically, as you watch these legends get their ass kicked, do not panic. Selling into the frenzy is the worst thing you can do and you ultimately will be handing easy profits over to someone else. Remember, the price on these things is very misleading as it only takes three shares to throw everything off. The legend SOI’s are the safest bet on OneSeason.com so don’t feel inclined to sell into a panic just because your total sportfolio is a lot lower than it was a week ago. If it will make you feel better you can go out and pay 20% over price on three separate shares and your sportfolio will look nice and meaty again (no homo).

In another surprise move, Johan Santana was put into the IPO Pipeline right around 6pm eastern time. This is the third IPO in a row to be announced without an off day and yet again it was right in the middle of east coast rush hour! Today was also the first day that OneSeason had implemented the “Are you fan enough?” feature. When announced, this feature brought mixed reviews, but ultimately the Nation endorsed it. Unfortunately, the first test of the new way of requesting IPO’s went horribly wrong. Everyone got the alerts and rushed to their computers only to realize that it was impossible to request! Error messages popped up everywhere, for some the question didn’t appear, and for others the site just sat idle in the loading stage. To add to the frustration, OneSeasonPro.com users were able to request IPO shares through their site within the first five minutes before the glitch was fixed. All in all, it was not a good debut for the new Captcha.

My response? Who gives a shit? People were flipping out unnecessarily. I mean, are we really all that desperate for $20 bucks? I think we can manage missing an IPO here and there. This has been said over and over on the forums and in the chat but I will reiterate it here using BullPup’s favorite expression. OneSeason is right in the middle of building a house. They currently only have the frame and floors up and we are walking around making sure it doesn’t fall down and no one falls through the floor. Well today, there was a crack right down the middle of the kitchen. This is exactly why there is no aggressive ad campaign, they are not ready yet. Imagine how bad it would look if OneSeason was aggressively trying to attract new users and shit like this went down. If you can’t picture it, the results would be disastrous.

I know people hate to hear it, but patience is a virtue. We should all be super pumped that Mike and the boys are rolling this thing along slowly. If they wanted to make a quick buck and bail they could have easily dropped a couple million into advertising and this thing would have skyrocketed, but it wouldn’t have lasted. By adding new features, and testing them out with us, we are giving them invaluable feedback that ultimately will be beneficial in the long run. So for now, if you missed out on the STNA IPO, don’t worry about it. If you really want him just buy a couple shares. If things go as planned, it will all be worth it someday.

TMZ - Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa are being sued by their former housekeeper, who claims Vanessa was incredibly abusive — even demanding that she put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse. Maria Jimenez claims Vanessa called her “lazy, slow, dumb, a f—ing liar, and f—ing sh-t.” In the lawsuit filed in Superior Court in Orange County, Jimenez claims Vanessa accused her of stealing her (mouth) retainer. Jimenez says it got so bad — Vanessa allegedly “badgered, harassed and humiliated Maria by yelling and screaming at Maria and criticizing her in front of Kobe, the Bryants’ children, employees and other people in the household” — she threatened to quit but Kobe talked her out of it. The final straw: When Vanessa went nuclear because Maria put an expensive blouse in the washer. Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse. Maria says she wanted to quit and Vanessa responded that she “had to work until payday to pay for the $690 blouse, which she did.” Maria is suing for wrongful discharge, invasion of privacy and emotional distress and unpaid wages.

Ok, so I know your husband is one of the greatest to play the game; and I know he cheats on you at least once a week; but lady, that does not give you the right to be a f***ing lunatic! Maybe if it you were KING’s wife this would be acceptable, but until your hubby is the number one traded SOI on OneSeason.com I think you need to take a few steps back. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem giving incompetent people a piece of my mind, the deserve it. But to force this woman to reach into dog shit to get a tag from a blouse is and then make her work to pay it off is a little over the line. I get it, you wanted to wear the blouse once and return it, oldest trick in the book, that’s fine. News flash! Your husband makes a gazillion dollars a year! Just take the hit financially and move on, I think you will survive. I hope this woman gets a hell of a settlement if for no other reason than I am from Boston and anything bad that happens to KOBE is good news to me.